a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
