just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
