I wish I could teleport
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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