I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
