You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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