I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she peed on how many people?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
