I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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