So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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