hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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