Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
