She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
