I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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