Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
