I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
