Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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