I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
