Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
