you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
