Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
