I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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