While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
