I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
