Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
