He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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