i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
