I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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