Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
