I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
