You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
