you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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