Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
