I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
