I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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