Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
