i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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