oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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