i just made my gag reflex go away.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
