I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
