cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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