planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
