I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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