In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
