speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
