We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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