Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
