at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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