does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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