Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the day after is always just damage control
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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