Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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