I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
