why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
