My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
