how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
