shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
