He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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