Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
