So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
