is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
