dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
