What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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