can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
