just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
