You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
