I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
