I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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