I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
