Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
