What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize