Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
