I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
