Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
