This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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